Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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