fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
