i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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