I just cut my nipple shaving
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
