So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
