everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
