like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
