If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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