i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
