Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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