Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
