i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
being pregnant is like rehab
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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