Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
