Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
