Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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