you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am one with the molecules
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
