Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
