Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
