Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
