so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
