Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize