There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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