How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
