You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
