Got a toothbrush?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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