Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
