I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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