I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
