I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
