Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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