Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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