So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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