Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
