Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
