I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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