Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
