I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
