yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
