If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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