Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
