Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
