On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
