My liver just broke up with me...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
