If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
