Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
