Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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