Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
