I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
