if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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