I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
