You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
