its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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