everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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