Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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