We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
