i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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