...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
