She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize