So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
