Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
