i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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