if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
