im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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