there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
