Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize