He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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