the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
