Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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