my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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