Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
